So the other day in response to a post Shannon, quite rightly, wanted to know a) what exactly my dating policies and b) what exactly my religion is. This may be one of the more serious posts I’ve ever written.
First things first: I’m a Christian, Christ died for my sins and yours Christian. Normally I’d say I’m Baptist, but that has weird connotations so that’ll have to do. I’m very open about it and what I believe. Feel free to ask me anything if you want more details. I doubt there is a weird or highly inappropriate question that hasn’t already been asked by my friends (they are totes awesome and don’t believe in boundaries).
Now to the juicy stuff: my dating policies. Sadly I’ve been so indoctrinated that the easiest way to explain them to you is share Mother W’s dating rules (oh come on you didn’t really think it was going to be all serious did you?). Sadly she has never set them out as a whole list, and I rarely remember to write them down, mostly they return to me when the situations prompts it but there are the highlights:
1. Only date people who share your beliefs
This feels like a rule although I never remember it being expressly said. In fact in recent years as her desperation to marry me off increases she’s even (half-heartedly) tried to get me to abandon it, so maybe it was never her rule, but its definitely mine. It’s the rule I think most people struggle to understand, my bestie (bless her cotton socks) still can’t get her head around it and is constantly trying to nag me into dropping it, but I can’t. There are lots of reasons, some lofty, some not so much. But what it boils down to is I can’t imagine not being able to share something that is such a big part of my life with the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.
2. Dating is to work out who you’re going to marry.
I know this is a thing that has become very popular in American circles (where dating in general just seems WEIRD) but before it hit the big time my mum was drumming this into me. You date someone until you know if you could marry them, if the answer is yes, you stop dating and get married, if the answer is no you break up. This doesn’t mean you can’t date a lot, by all accounts my Mum was a fox and dated a lot, but you shouldn’t be dating purely for fun.
3. Breaking hearts might be fun, but you shouldn’t do it.
Be nice, everyone (even boys) have feelings and you should always be nice. Be nice when politely declining their offer to take you out. Be nice and kind and considerate of their feelings whilst dating. And definitely be nice when breaking up with them. You should never ever mess with someone else’s feeling just for fun, however tempting it may be.
4. Only date people whose friends and family you’ve met: this way they are less likely to turn out to be an axe murderer!
I like to think that the idea behind this one is that if you know a person’s friends and family you are more likely to see their true self, rather than a front. Of course knowing my Mother it could be as simple as making it harder for them to kill you without it leading back to them
5. The guy makes the first move.
Of course as I’ve gotten older (and she despairs of ever me ever producing her much wanted grandchildren) she has attempted to back-peddle on this one but too late its engrained. The guy should make the first move, take the initiative, take the lead. Besides which that’s hot!
6. Sex is for marriage.
Let me preface this with I don’t judge anyone else’s choices, see above statement about friends without boundaries, nor do I ever think anyone else should have the same rules. But for me this is a rule I abide by. Partly because I believe it to be true but I fear mostly because it’s been drummed into me from such an early age that I think I would spontaneously combust should I ever attempt it. I mean we are talking about a woman who even managed to shoe horn a reference into the transformers movie! The indoctrination is to such an extent that I still can’t watch soaps without hearing my mum’s voice saying “they wouldn’t be in this pickle if they’d waited until they were married”.
7. Couples should be aesthetically pleasing.
This one is weird, and I only really noticed it in recent years, but she is OBSESSED with people looking right together. For example my cousins current boyfriend is clearly a winner because they look right together. In my mum’s wee world this means the guy is bigger, taller, fatter whatever. But also she quite likes it when faces match, for example James and Emma don’t fit the above rule, but their faces match (they are both smiley people) so that makes it OK. This is not a rule I follow, but I just wanted to share the crazy so you guys can understand how comparatively normal I’ve turned out.
I’m sure there have been more “rules” doled out at various points over the years but clearly they haven’t stuck. In fact the axe murderer one is probably the one that is going to haunt me forever.